In an interview with Q Magazine, rapper Ice-T said that he and his wife of 15 years, Coco Austin, take part in “jungle sex.” As he explained, “There’s regular sex and then there’s ‘jungle sex.’ You can be with your wife and just roll over on it. That’s just sex sex. Jungle sex is when you know what it is that gets you turned on and you build up to it,” he told Daily Mail.
According to him, the key to making a relationship last is to indulge your partner in their so-called kinks, even if that means using “oil and figure skates” — his words, not mine.
Now, one may read this and be put off guard by his comments. In fairness, he and his wife are known for their over-the-top PDA, and Austin is no stranger to public displays of, well, everything (a simple Google search of her preferred beach attire can be concluded as NSFW). However, the 59-year old father may be onto something.
Think of it this way: what if what Ice-T is actually implying is that he and his wife have the type of intimate relationship where they indulge each other’s every sexual whim, without judgment. When you think of it that way, shouldn’t we all be having more “jungle sex?”
True intimacy is multi-faceted
Let’s be honest: one of the greatest joys in life is having a connection with another person. In today’s modern age of dating, finding someone you like — let alone love — and want to commit to can be incredibly difficult. So, typically, when we do find that person, we want to put in the work to foster and grow that relationship — on all levels of intimacy. And make no mistake, intimacy is multi-faceted.
There is the intimacy that grows when two people share their deepest, darkest secrets. The kind that blooms out of the true selflessness one partner must provide when the other is faced with illness or injury. There’s intellectual intimacy, emotional intimacy, the list goes on and on. And of course, there’s sexual intimacy.
So, what is Ice-T really talking about? To him, having a truly healthy, long-lasting relationship means being open and willing to explore the unknown with your partner, however different or “weird” that might be. According to him, “If you’re willing to accommodate the other one’s kinks, you’re gonna take that sex to another level. So that’s ‘jungle sex’.”
One-third of Americans have engaged in bondage
In a post “50 Shades” world, it might seem as though “jungle sex” is on the rise. However, a 2005 survey conducted by Durex found that 36 percent of Americans have engaged in sex with blindfolds, masks and other forms of bondage, while 24 percent of Americans have had threesomes, and another 10 percent have experimented with sadomasochism. Suffice it to say, long before Christian Grey’s “red room of pain,” we’ve been interested in pushing sexual boundaries. In fact, a study dating from 1953 found that over 50 percent of women and men enjoyed biting — so even our parents liked to get freaky.
So, how do we put Ice-T’s “jungle sex” to use in our own lives? What if, to borrow a line from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, “pleasure spiked with pain” doesn’t really do it for you? The most important thing in any relationship, sexual or otherwise, is being honest with your partner. If your idea of a wild night with your lover involves sex on top of the sheets or with the lights on, more props to ya!
However, if you do feel as though you’d like to begin experimenting with things outside of your sexual norm but aren’t quite sure how and where to start, here are some things to consider…
Make sure you’re comfortable with what you want
One of the best parts of being an adult (besides being able to eat ice cream before dinner) is that, really, you can do whatever it is that you want. So, if you’ve always had a particular sexual fantasy or desire, think about why and how it turns you on. Additionally, make a distinction between what your actual fantasies and desires are and what you’re really willing to do.
A fantasy is where you are able to imagine any possible scenario, however wild or extraordinary; a desire involves behaviors or experiences you want more of in your actual life. For example, you may fantasize about having a threesome but never actually want to do it. Having a clear understanding of what you are willing to do, either alone or with your partner, will allow both you and your significant other to comfortably take it to the next level.
Make sure your partner is comfortable with what you want
When you first approach them with the idea of fulfilling an uncharted sexual desire, you may be met with excitement — or trepidation — and it’s up to you to be okay with either reaction. Just as the idea can be thrilling for some, for others it can be nerve-wracking. Much in the same way you first became comfortable with the idea, you need to encourage your partner to feel the same, while still respecting their boundaries.
Thanks to the gift and curse known as the Internet, there is a wealth of information out there on the in’s and out’s of every single sexual situation and how to work up to it. Don’t be afraid to start slow. If your desire is to have sex in public places, perhaps start by exploring different areas of your home. Those who are interested in BDSM may enjoy experimenting first with blindfolds, so don’t expect to go full-on whips and ball gags the first time. Although, if your partner is game, then kudos to you both.
Do not put pressure on yourself to achieve perfection
Look, the first time you and your partner try something new, it might not be all that great. It could be nerve-wracking and weird and end up playing out way better in your mind than it does in reality. Remember the first time you had sex? Chances are you’re way better at it now. Try not to get discouraged if the first time isn’t the best time.
Much like everything else, practice does make perfect. This may even result in you realizing that what you desired was actually better suited as a fantasy where it was met with flawless results. At the very least, it can lead to a humourous bonding experience that brings you two even closer together than before. If the worst thing that happens is you have a good laugh and a newfound respect for your partner for indulging in your desires, then it was probably worth it.
Remember to reciprocate
Fair’s fair. Just as your partner was willing and able to explore your sexual boundaries, you must be willing to do the same for them. Now that you’ve opened up this new chapter in your relationship, it may encourage your partner to divulge things they’ve always been interested in trying. Make sure to keep an open and accepting mind to what they want and take the same steps in working towards it.
Just the very act of sharing your fantasies and desires with each other can be a wonderfully intimate bonding experience. Your relationship will be able to grow over your mutual desire to make the other feel accepted and sexually satisfied. If your partner doesn’t have anything extra they’d like to add to the boudoir, then be okay with that too. What is one person’s vanilla is another’s rocky road — even if it doesn’t involve swinging from the treetops in the jungle.
— Megan Harris